Jokes 'Uncensored '

... i don't get it

thumbs up for u, thumbs down for avid

ohhh why didn't you just use these... ?

cause i was to lazy to look so fine

avid-
aft-

hahaha cool

aft in response to one of your earlier posts, weather or not its "just a joke" is in the eyes of the beholder. you may never intent to insult anyone with these jokes but you have to be careful, some people are sensitive (I'm not that sensitive lol, i wouldn't care what you said but thats just me)

some of these jokes are good I'll quote some i do like.

*"Mrs. Smith, do you recognise me?" the prosecutor asks.
"Why yes I do," Mrs. Smith replies. "I've known you since you were a boy and I am very disappointed. You lie and have cheated on your wife."
The prosecutor feels uncomfortable. "Do you recognise the defence lawyer?"
"Yes, I've known him since he was a boy as well. He lies, steals and as ceated on his wife three times this year," Mrs. Smith replies.

The judge then asks for the prosecutor and the defence lawyer to approach the bench, and they do. He says, "If either of you two clowns ask her if she recognises me, I will send you both to jail."*

that one is good

*What do you get when you ask a politician to tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth"?
Three different answers.*

that is too.

*Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Can you drive this thing?"*

hehehehehehehe

*Little Johnny's kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why the f*** didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"*

thats cool.

*Smart Ass Answer ..2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." *

i would so say that lol. anyway thats enough of the ones i liked

thats all of the ones yoy liked that we put up?

got joke?

fine here is an ok joke

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint




when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What
are
you doing?'



The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they
enjoyed
a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that
he
was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell
into
the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him
to
the side.

Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting,
smoking a
joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.


The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the
rain
forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.




The crocodile looked up and said,




'Hey you!'


So the koala looked down at him and said,



'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude......
How much water did you drink?'

XD

Guys, I meant to be very lenient in my past post. I was trying to allow this thread to keep going (since i like the jokes as much as you guys), but i do not intend to change the rules to let this thread continue. The title can be changed.

You guys act as if i'm holding you back. I'm not trying to, i just have to try to please EVERYONE.
I just read Ender's Game, and im starting to feel like him...

ORDINATOR wrote:

some of these jokes are good I'll quote some i do like.

yes Aft i said that. i got no good jokes to but in here but yeah i just pointed out what i liked out of a few of the posts as i haven't replied much throughout the entire Thread. just trying to show "yes i do read them".

Two birds are sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

ohhh i get it hahaha wow i felt dumb for a second

DAMN, i dont get it =*(

avid, you JUST read Ender's Game?
its ok, one of few good books, lets see if you paid attension,

1 and only one question,

What did Ender do at the end of the book without him knowing till later?

> srry if a little off topic

ooo about him trying to just flunk the test when he had actually been fighting for real the entire time and him blowing up the planet?
or about the buggers reconstructing his desk's fantasy game and there being a queen that he picks up? or that he inadvertenly made a mental 'bridge' with the buggers without realizing it?

was what your thinking one of those?

Perch is a kind of fish lol.

lol yes and i don't think i liked the taste...

I can't stand it either.

This girl walks into a chemist and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsensic.
"What do you want arsenic for?" he asks.
"I want to kill my husband because he has sem with other women," she replies.
"I can't give you arsenic to kill your husband, even if he is cheating," the pharmacist replies.
TRhe lady then shows the pharmacist a photo of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says, "Oh, I didn't realise you had a prescription."

hahahaha very nice

yeah thats good

people love the australian kiss one, so much
i gave fig one last night (crowed yells *OHHHHHHHHHH!* and whistle) =D taust like chicken =P i like messing with people

back on topic, i get a $10 profit from $7 bundle of paper, U MUST START SELLING THIS SHIT, aft the comedian, avid the writer, ORD, the guy who does sumthing

hahahaha nice and i want my share... plus we know you like messing with people.

HELL YEAH, I'm the guy who dose something.

Well, there are some things that you do very well...

Two fats guys are in a bar. One turns to the other and says "Your round." The other guy replies "So are you, you fat bastard!"

ryknow69 wrote:

people love the australian kiss one, so much
i gave fig one last night (crowed yells *OHHHHHHHHHH!* and whistle) =D taust like chicken =P i like messing with people

back on topic, i get a $10 profit from $7 bundle of paper, U MUST START SELLING THIS SHIT, aft the comedian, avid the writer, ORD, the guy who does sumthing

Ry, Aft didn't write these. I've seen many of them online; StumbleUpon has taken me to a few sites with them.

Chicken, that was hilarious.